Wednesday, March 24, 2010
My Testimony
My testimony isn’t a heart-wrenching story of a lost girl coming into herself and reaching her full potential by overcoming her past addictions. My testimony is of a girl with a great life and an even greater God watching over her. It took me a little while to realize that He wanted a REAL relationship with ME. There aren’t many days that I think about living a different life than my own. I’ve never wanted to be someone else. I’ve never coveted any person’s life, belongings, or relationships. But I can’t help but think that some of this blinded me to what God needed from me. So I am going to tell you a little story and keep in mind that it is neither dramatic nor predictable.
As a child I was brought up in a home where there was no heartache, loss, depression, or hardship. I had a near perfect childhood. I have exceptional parents that sheltered me and took care of all of my physical, emotional and spiritual needs. What was I to want for other than the wants and needs that only a child should desire? I had innocent dreams, and pure intentions and a wonderful home to live in. As I grew up I had very few extreme experiences. I didn’t live on the edge. I was a cautious, courteous, and careful child. To this day I have never broken a bone or gone to a party. You could say that caution and security go hand in hand in my life. It wasn’t just fear that kept me from experiencing the things of this world but it was also maturity. I matured mentally much quicker from being home schooled vs. being introduced to a public school setting. I had a wider vocabulary than most my age by the time I reached my thirteenth year. I never completely understood why my peers insisted on wasting their lives glued to a television instead of investing their time in books and play. This all of course was credited to God and my parents in my later years. I caught much of what I learned and much of what I caught was what separated me from a lot of kids my age. Godly principals were instilled in my life as for as long as I can remember.
At a young age, I accepted the Jesus as my Lord and Savior on my way to school one day. Evidently I wasn’t mature enough as a person to fully understand what the commitment that I had made meant. It wasn’t until I was sixteen that I perceived what God so desperately desired from me. Even with that understanding I never chose to strike up a real relationship with Him. Because my life had never been extreme, I didn’t know how to have an extreme relationship with the Lord.
At the beginning of last year, I actually started receiving a taste of the blessings that God had in store for my future. I began to find an injustice in receiving the blessings and not reciprocating to the One who created me. God used a close friend of mine to open my eyes to the burning passion that my God has for me. There was a passion for my heavenly Father welling inside of me that became uncontrollable to a certain degree. Through that close friend, I was taught how to release my passion in a righteous way and truly show God how much He meant to me in my life. As I continued to seek God in this exceptional manner, I quickly began to mature in my worship, my relationship with God, my devotion and my character. I’ve learned that it isn’t right to just accept yourself and your as is. We should always be advancing and maturing in God and in our relationships around us. I’ve done a complete 180 and now I desire the future that God has for me instead of my own. For as long as I can remember, I’ve never wanted any part in this world. I’ve always strived to separate myself from it. But for the longest time, my goals and my desires were of this world instead of what God had intended for me. Now, I can walk with confidence acknowledging that I am on the correct path and that I am willing to do everything within my power to follow Christ in the most profound way possible.
I believe my duty, as a bondservant of Christ, is to touch our dying world in a way that no one ever has before and heal broken hearts through God. I have a fiery and desperate ambition to radically impact the world and awaken it to its almighty creator. I have talents and gifts that God has placed within me that only need the training to expand and reach the world in an undiscovered and provocative way. God has called us as leaders to be followers and before I can be a leader, I need to follow and serve. How else can one expect to identify with a fallen world if one cannot learn to serve it?
As a child I was brought up in a home where there was no heartache, loss, depression, or hardship. I had a near perfect childhood. I have exceptional parents that sheltered me and took care of all of my physical, emotional and spiritual needs. What was I to want for other than the wants and needs that only a child should desire? I had innocent dreams, and pure intentions and a wonderful home to live in. As I grew up I had very few extreme experiences. I didn’t live on the edge. I was a cautious, courteous, and careful child. To this day I have never broken a bone or gone to a party. You could say that caution and security go hand in hand in my life. It wasn’t just fear that kept me from experiencing the things of this world but it was also maturity. I matured mentally much quicker from being home schooled vs. being introduced to a public school setting. I had a wider vocabulary than most my age by the time I reached my thirteenth year. I never completely understood why my peers insisted on wasting their lives glued to a television instead of investing their time in books and play. This all of course was credited to God and my parents in my later years. I caught much of what I learned and much of what I caught was what separated me from a lot of kids my age. Godly principals were instilled in my life as for as long as I can remember.
At a young age, I accepted the Jesus as my Lord and Savior on my way to school one day. Evidently I wasn’t mature enough as a person to fully understand what the commitment that I had made meant. It wasn’t until I was sixteen that I perceived what God so desperately desired from me. Even with that understanding I never chose to strike up a real relationship with Him. Because my life had never been extreme, I didn’t know how to have an extreme relationship with the Lord.
At the beginning of last year, I actually started receiving a taste of the blessings that God had in store for my future. I began to find an injustice in receiving the blessings and not reciprocating to the One who created me. God used a close friend of mine to open my eyes to the burning passion that my God has for me. There was a passion for my heavenly Father welling inside of me that became uncontrollable to a certain degree. Through that close friend, I was taught how to release my passion in a righteous way and truly show God how much He meant to me in my life. As I continued to seek God in this exceptional manner, I quickly began to mature in my worship, my relationship with God, my devotion and my character. I’ve learned that it isn’t right to just accept yourself and your as is. We should always be advancing and maturing in God and in our relationships around us. I’ve done a complete 180 and now I desire the future that God has for me instead of my own. For as long as I can remember, I’ve never wanted any part in this world. I’ve always strived to separate myself from it. But for the longest time, my goals and my desires were of this world instead of what God had intended for me. Now, I can walk with confidence acknowledging that I am on the correct path and that I am willing to do everything within my power to follow Christ in the most profound way possible.
I believe my duty, as a bondservant of Christ, is to touch our dying world in a way that no one ever has before and heal broken hearts through God. I have a fiery and desperate ambition to radically impact the world and awaken it to its almighty creator. I have talents and gifts that God has placed within me that only need the training to expand and reach the world in an undiscovered and provocative way. God has called us as leaders to be followers and before I can be a leader, I need to follow and serve. How else can one expect to identify with a fallen world if one cannot learn to serve it?
Labels: 24/7, God, honestly, love, passion, reality, testimony, the world
Monday, March 1, 2010
The Passion of Discovery
Today brings a new way of living for me as well as a huge disappointment. Because I choose to follow God and make more room for Him to enter my life, I am persecuted. Yes, persecution is something that I have already had to face. In less than a few hours of the decision I made, last night, I've already had my heart ripped out and presented to me on a stick. Yes, skewered. Why is it so hard to do the right thing?
Thankfully, I have Christ protecting me.
I am at a loss for words. So bare with me here as I take the time, through some of these sentences, to collect my thoughts.
A few people in my life have recently turned out to be people that I don't know. Strangers. They aren't who I thought they were and that seriously concerns me. It does hurt and I feel more alone because of it. This all of course is pushing me closer to my Father in heaven. I must cling to Him now as if He is all I have left because in truth, in a sense, He is all I have.
An interesting revelation was brought to me last night. I've always believed that a man and a woman should be so consumed by God and so close to Him that they find each other through Him but I've never practiced this. I didn't honestly understand the thought process behind that belief. It was merely a statement that I new had truth within it. Nothing more, nothing that I wanted to get involved in understanding or practicing for myself. Honestly? I wanted to do everything on my own. Pick my own spouse, fall in love the way that I chose to, orchestrate my life in a way that was pleasing to me as I courteously asked God to sit on the side lines watching. Because of my personality and the way that I was gifted I have a perfect picture for everything. Or so I thought. I've acknowledged the fact that I see things a certain way and do everything in my power to attain that picture in my head but my "perfect picture" isn't so perfect.
Once again, because of His unfailing love and mercy I've been stricken with another idea. Let me propose a question.
What gives anyone the right to claim an intimate and personal relationship with any one of God's children without His consent?
Yes, I am also pondering this question.
Last night, as I spoke with a friend of mine on the phone, I realized the meaning of having God in complete control of my life. I also discovered why it is so important to be consumed with God before one even puts thought into getting married. I'm sure that many people have heard the phrase "God is a jealous God". Well, He is. He doesn't want us to be distracted with the things of this world or other relationships. He wants us. All of us, forever. He wants our attention. Yes, I said it, the God of this universe and of life itself wants our attention. He loves us so much that he would get jealous over other distractions and relationships that steal away our time from Him.
A couple more interesting questions to think about.
How can one share a true relationship with two people that they're in love with and make both of them happy?
How can one be in love with two people, at the same time, and also make time for both of them?
It just isn't possible. That's why God wants us to fall in love with Him first. Christ is nothing less than a gentleman. He never forces us against our will. He suggests truth to keep us safe and happy. He only wants us to have a relationship with Him. He wants all of our love. That's why we can't be in love with someone else and be pursuing that relationship while trying to understand and pursue God. We have to know God on a personal and intimate level first before we are even capable of falling in love with anyone else. It just simply isn't possible to make enough time for someone that you don't really know and the person that you've fallen in love with. God needs to be first. If anyone decides to fall in love with someone before they fall in love with Christ then they will have no room the get to know Jesus. They're lives will be consumed with that other person.
Why would anyone in their right mind spend more time with a stranger than the love of their life?
No one would.
Because Jesus is who He is. He chooses to make room for another person in our lives that He intended on us being with for the rest of our lives on earth. He allows us to have a partner in life because He loves us.
This is all why one must become so infused with the heart of God that they don't take the time to notice anyone else. Just like a husband or wife shouldn't take the time to notice any other member of the opposite sex, aside from their spouse. God must be the one to bring our future partner to our attention. It isn't our job to go spouse hunting.
How would we even know where to start?
There are just so many people out there.
So all of this is to say that I've decided to take a personal stand in my life to take the time to fall in love with God before I even think about anyone else. I'm neither a player or a cheater and I will not start now. I will not cheat on my and God's relationship. I'm ridding my life of any relationships that would stunt the growth of my pursuit for God. He hasn't given up on me yet. He never will. People will come and go but I know for a fact that God has all the patience in the world and He wouldn't waste it on me unless He knew that I was worth it.
God is the ultimate lover.
He is my ultimate lover.
Thankfully, I have Christ protecting me.
I am at a loss for words. So bare with me here as I take the time, through some of these sentences, to collect my thoughts.
A few people in my life have recently turned out to be people that I don't know. Strangers. They aren't who I thought they were and that seriously concerns me. It does hurt and I feel more alone because of it. This all of course is pushing me closer to my Father in heaven. I must cling to Him now as if He is all I have left because in truth, in a sense, He is all I have.
An interesting revelation was brought to me last night. I've always believed that a man and a woman should be so consumed by God and so close to Him that they find each other through Him but I've never practiced this. I didn't honestly understand the thought process behind that belief. It was merely a statement that I new had truth within it. Nothing more, nothing that I wanted to get involved in understanding or practicing for myself. Honestly? I wanted to do everything on my own. Pick my own spouse, fall in love the way that I chose to, orchestrate my life in a way that was pleasing to me as I courteously asked God to sit on the side lines watching. Because of my personality and the way that I was gifted I have a perfect picture for everything. Or so I thought. I've acknowledged the fact that I see things a certain way and do everything in my power to attain that picture in my head but my "perfect picture" isn't so perfect.
Once again, because of His unfailing love and mercy I've been stricken with another idea. Let me propose a question.
What gives anyone the right to claim an intimate and personal relationship with any one of God's children without His consent?
Yes, I am also pondering this question.
Last night, as I spoke with a friend of mine on the phone, I realized the meaning of having God in complete control of my life. I also discovered why it is so important to be consumed with God before one even puts thought into getting married. I'm sure that many people have heard the phrase "God is a jealous God". Well, He is. He doesn't want us to be distracted with the things of this world or other relationships. He wants us. All of us, forever. He wants our attention. Yes, I said it, the God of this universe and of life itself wants our attention. He loves us so much that he would get jealous over other distractions and relationships that steal away our time from Him.
A couple more interesting questions to think about.
How can one share a true relationship with two people that they're in love with and make both of them happy?
How can one be in love with two people, at the same time, and also make time for both of them?
It just isn't possible. That's why God wants us to fall in love with Him first. Christ is nothing less than a gentleman. He never forces us against our will. He suggests truth to keep us safe and happy. He only wants us to have a relationship with Him. He wants all of our love. That's why we can't be in love with someone else and be pursuing that relationship while trying to understand and pursue God. We have to know God on a personal and intimate level first before we are even capable of falling in love with anyone else. It just simply isn't possible to make enough time for someone that you don't really know and the person that you've fallen in love with. God needs to be first. If anyone decides to fall in love with someone before they fall in love with Christ then they will have no room the get to know Jesus. They're lives will be consumed with that other person.
Why would anyone in their right mind spend more time with a stranger than the love of their life?
No one would.
Because Jesus is who He is. He chooses to make room for another person in our lives that He intended on us being with for the rest of our lives on earth. He allows us to have a partner in life because He loves us.
This is all why one must become so infused with the heart of God that they don't take the time to notice anyone else. Just like a husband or wife shouldn't take the time to notice any other member of the opposite sex, aside from their spouse. God must be the one to bring our future partner to our attention. It isn't our job to go spouse hunting.
How would we even know where to start?
There are just so many people out there.
So all of this is to say that I've decided to take a personal stand in my life to take the time to fall in love with God before I even think about anyone else. I'm neither a player or a cheater and I will not start now. I will not cheat on my and God's relationship. I'm ridding my life of any relationships that would stunt the growth of my pursuit for God. He hasn't given up on me yet. He never will. People will come and go but I know for a fact that God has all the patience in the world and He wouldn't waste it on me unless He knew that I was worth it.
God is the ultimate lover.
He is my ultimate lover.
Labels: discovery, God, Jesus Christ, love, lover, marriage, passion, questions, revelation, spouse, truth