Today brings a new way of living for me as well as a huge disappointment. Because I choose to follow God and make more room for Him to enter my life, I am persecuted. Yes, persecution is something that I have already had to face. In less than a few hours of the decision I made, last night, I've already had my heart ripped out and presented to me on a stick. Yes, skewered. Why is it so hard to do the right thing?
Thankfully, I have Christ protecting me.

I am at a loss for words. So bare with me here as I take the time, through some of these sentences, to collect my thoughts.

A few people in my life have recently turned out to be people that I don't know. Strangers. They aren't who I thought they were and that seriously concerns me. It does hurt and I feel more alone because of it. This all of course is pushing me closer to my Father in heaven. I must cling to Him now as if He is all I have left because in truth, in a sense, He is all I have.

An interesting revelation was brought to me last night. I've always believed that a man and a woman should be so consumed by God and so close to Him that they find each other through Him but I've never practiced this. I didn't honestly understand the thought process behind that belief. It was merely a statement that I new had truth within it. Nothing more, nothing that I wanted to get involved in understanding or practicing for myself. Honestly? I wanted to do everything on my own. Pick my own spouse, fall in love the way that I chose to, orchestrate my life in a way that was pleasing to me as I courteously asked God to sit on the side lines watching. Because of my personality and the way that I was gifted I have a perfect picture for everything. Or so I thought. I've acknowledged the fact that I see things a certain way and do everything in my power to attain that picture in my head but my "perfect picture" isn't so perfect.

Once again, because of His unfailing love and mercy I've been stricken with another idea. Let me propose a question.
What gives anyone the right to claim an intimate and personal relationship with any one of God's children without His consent?
Yes, I am also pondering this question.

Last night, as I spoke with a friend of mine on the phone, I realized the meaning of having God in complete control of my life. I also discovered why it is so important to be consumed with God before one even puts thought into getting married. I'm sure that many people have heard the phrase "God is a jealous God". Well, He is. He doesn't want us to be distracted with the things of this world or other relationships. He wants us. All of us, forever. He wants our attention. Yes, I said it, the God of this universe and of life itself wants our attention. He loves us so much that he would get jealous over other distractions and relationships that steal away our time from Him.

A couple more interesting questions to think about.
How can one share a true relationship with two people that they're in love with and make both of them happy?
How can one be in love with two people, at the same time, and also make time for both of them?

It just isn't possible. That's why God wants us to fall in love with Him first. Christ is nothing less than a gentleman. He never forces us against our will. He suggests truth to keep us safe and happy. He only wants us to have a relationship with Him. He wants all of our love. That's why we can't be in love with someone else and be pursuing that relationship while trying to understand and pursue God. We have to know God on a personal and intimate level first before we are even capable of falling in love with anyone else. It just simply isn't possible to make enough time for someone that you don't really know and the person that you've fallen in love with. God needs to be first. If anyone decides to fall in love with someone before they fall in love with Christ then they will have no room the get to know Jesus. They're lives will be consumed with that other person.
Why would anyone in their right mind spend more time with a stranger than the love of their life?
No one would.

Because Jesus is who He is. He chooses to make room for another person in our lives that He intended on us being with for the rest of our lives on earth. He allows us to have a partner in life because He loves us.
This is all why one must become so infused with the heart of God that they don't take the time to notice anyone else. Just like a husband or wife shouldn't take the time to notice any other member of the opposite sex, aside from their spouse. God must be the one to bring our future partner to our attention. It isn't our job to go spouse hunting.
How would we even know where to start?
There are just so many people out there.

So all of this is to say that I've decided to take a personal stand in my life to take the time to fall in love with God before I even think about anyone else. I'm neither a player or a cheater and I will not start now. I will not cheat on my and God's relationship. I'm ridding my life of any relationships that would stunt the growth of my pursuit for God. He hasn't given up on me yet. He never will. People will come and go but I know for a fact that God has all the patience in the world and He wouldn't waste it on me unless He knew that I was worth it.

God is the ultimate lover.

He is my ultimate lover.

Labels: discovery, God, Jesus Christ, love, lover, marriage, passion, questions, revelation, spouse, truth